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November 5th, 2000, 09:50 AM
#1
Inactive Member
Not One of Them
I was not that man
who had burned Joan of Arc.
I was most likely the one
who cried at the rising flames
raising my sword in salute
& swore
that I'll free France for her.
I was not that man
who had cursed her name.
I was the one who stood by her
& told her that I'll kick his ass
for her
& I did so the next time I saw him.
I was not that man
who walked all over her heart
How could I when
I was not the one she loved?
Her choice
was him on a gamble of luck.
I was not that man
who yelled "Hey baby" at a girl on the street
I'm most likely the one
who just went right by
just 'cause
I didn't know her in the first place.
I was not that man
who took her innocence in the night
I was the one who
defended her integrity & pride
against the
unforgiving popular masses of his friends.
I am not that man
who celebrates being "their kind."
I don't wear that pride on my sleeve
one mention
& I feel shame hanging between my legs.
[This message has been edited by dwim (edited November 05, 2000).]
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November 5th, 2000, 10:31 AM
#2
Inactive Member
ok, i had a good response and all, but my roommate's computer ate it (i want my computer back!!!!)
you already know what i think, but let me say again that i think it is well written, and other than that one slightly shaky line the whole flows very well. i like the way the voice of the piece gets across the central theme, and the way the last stanza ties that voice down firmly
glad your poetry reading went well!!
so, like, where's the next piece? huh? huh?
------------------
proud to call Ski my sidekick
namesake of a rascally tabby, courtesy of Eden, my twice-hero
Katchoo's my hero too
[This message has been edited by tyledras (edited November 05, 2000).]
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November 5th, 2000, 05:49 PM
#3
Inactive Member
man ! its been 7 hours and you've posted nothing new here dwim....... i'm going to have to tickle you
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November 5th, 2000, 05:51 PM
#4
Dano
Guest
Good stuff man. It's a little clunky in spots, but overall the idea was conveyed eloquently and clearly. Plus, as always, I enjoy your quirky phrasing.
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November 6th, 2000, 06:30 AM
#5
Inactive Member
nice.... Ironically, I needed to read something like this tonight, so thanks for writing
.
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"Noctu, nihil pedalum pigmentum refert." - Discordelaidh
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November 6th, 2000, 09:33 AM
#6
Inactive Member
tyledras, I only post one poem a week... but just for you. I'll write another one and have it posted up today. (monday nov. 6 2000) ok?
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November 6th, 2000, 07:29 PM
#7
Inactive Member
lol
thank you dwim
i'll be good.... (as in not pushy)
like your stuff
------------------
proud to call Ski my sidekick
namesake of a rascally tabby, courtesy of Eden, my twice-hero
Katchoo's my hero too
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